If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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