This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am one with the molecules
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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