Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
