I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
