do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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