I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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