He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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