Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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