so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
