Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
