Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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