Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
its liver damage thursday
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
