Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
