end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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