Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
