we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
