just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
