She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
