Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
