took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
