just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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