It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
