I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize