I just saw a hot homeless man
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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