happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
