Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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