i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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