I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
