i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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