Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
