it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
