Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
