Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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