a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
