I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
