Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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