apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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