I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And then the night went full on bisexual.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize