is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
