69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
