I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize