I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
