This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize