who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
