Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
