he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
