I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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