the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
