Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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