problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
