did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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