The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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