addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
