i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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