alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
