batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
