I am puke
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
