First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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