she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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