Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
