I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
