Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
