Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
