So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
