just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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