the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The best revenge is premature balding
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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