i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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