can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
