Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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