i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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