Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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