Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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