At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
