there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
