So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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