remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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