It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ketchup is God's man juice
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
