It's Friday. Sex?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
