you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
