This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
