According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
