Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
