So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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