I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
