If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
