My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
