you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
