yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
