I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
