yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Everything about him screamed your future.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
