How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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