Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
